The Man-Cave

Man-Cave n. A dedicated area of one's mind or house, such as a basement, workshop, or garage, where a man can be alone.

Anyone think it is a coincidence that if you switch the words around you get Cave Man?

Inevitably, misunderstandings and miscommunication will occur in a relationship. Perhaps even more so in marriage, due to the closeness of the relationship and the never-ending list of stresses and duties that each party to a marriage faces on a daily basis. These obligations include the very important tasks of being a devoted and present parent, being a supportive spouse, being a dutiful son or daughter and sibling and performing adequately at work. But not to be forgotten are the mundane assignments as well, such as meal preparation, washing dishes, house cleaning, yard work, laundry, paying the bills, and balancing an often non-existent budget.

In my 6+ years of marriage, I have come to be very familiar with my greatest nemesis, the "man-cave". From what I can gather, the man-cave is an apparently peaceful place where a man can retreat to, somewhere in his head (or if lucky a garage or basement) where he blocks everything out, where he thinks and ponders and stews and sometimes pouts, and where no one can intrude. Being in the man cave can include lounging in the Lazy Boy Chair and watching mindless T.V., (perhaps the "History of Ice Cream, Pimp My Ride, or U-571 for the 800th time) or doing random outdoor projects like laying mulch, watering the flowers or "checking the grass growth" at 9:00 at night.

Man particularly likes to retreat to the man-cave following a crisis, or during great periods of anxiety, i.e., during a hurricane evacuation, or perhaps following an emotional breakdown by his wife, or for example, after a large discussion about "emotions and feelings and appreciating his wife more".

Dealing with life, marriage and the man-cave requires a GREAT deal of humor, as I have come to find. Below is a copy of a letter that was sent (mostly in jest but also to make a point) to the man in my house. It was quite successful in setting a time to sit down together and re-connect. And in almost every circumstance, once both people sit down and talk, without any distractions, all miscommunication seems to disappear and peace reigns once more, or at least until the dryer buzzes and the laundry needs to be switched out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Hubby:

Please allow this email to serve as notice that your seasonal pass to the Man-Cave will expire at 5:15 today. Unfortunately, this means that the vacation that your head has been taking up your ass comes to an end. Feel free to take some photos and/or get some souvenirs before you come home from work today!

Please be aware that your wife’s patience will expire tonight, at 9:00 pm, if her husband fails to put down the remote, tune into his life and his marriage and make an obvious effort to communicate with her.

We appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.

Have a good day and best regards,

Management of The 569 Gelpi-Man Cave Time Share, LLC

Wake me up when September ends, please!

Who would have known that Green Day song would have such poignant meaning, again, 3 years later.

Gustav, Ike, trees down, in-laws in crisis, week long evacuation to Mobile, no power, some power, flickering power, and we now own a chain saw (very cool in Seamus' world).

The day we evacuated for Gustav I cried, a lot. It was Dejavu from Katrina, but with some twists.. a whole new set of "for insurance purposes" pictures to take of a different house. A whole new set of traveling and packing circumstances with 2 kids under 3-- last time I was pregnant for Seamus , and we had a beagle. (Wow, how much changes in 3 years!)

Please don't let my city wash away, God.
Don't forget the wedding pictures.
Throw out everything in the fridge and freezer.
Take enough clothes to last 2 months.
Don't forget the computer, and all the insurance policies.
Please, God, this is my home. The only place I have ever known that fits me. I don't want to be from somewhere else.

Please let the Natchez get to safety.
Please keep my Daddy strong and brave and give him hope. How much more can he take?
How much more can we take?
How much more can everyone here in fragile Post-K New Orleans take?

Driving off, again, with throngs of other weary New Orleanians, all with their most valued possessions, memories, and loved ones in the car. Pangs of fear in the very pit of my stomach as we are told "this is the mother of all storms", and thinking "if this is the mother, what the hell was Katrina?"

Please, God, let us come home. Please keep our city safe.

I would like to think that this is what did it. This message, displayed on our driveway, carefully colored with the assistance of Seamus and Kiernan, as we packed up to leave for Mobile. I felt so helpless and didn't know what else to do (and I was trying to keep them both entertained!)

GO AWAY GUSTAV! GOD BLESS THIS HOUSE AND GOD BLESS NOLA!

I am sure all the prayers helped as well. Non-believers would say it was just luck or weather patterns. But for me, that simple chalk message was enough, and it gave me hope as we drove away, having no idea what lay ahead, or what we would find when we returned.

It makes me smile now, and convinces me that September will end, both figuratively and literally, and New Orleans and her amazing, resilient folks will see a brighter day right around the corner.

The New Orleans 100

The New Orleans 100

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Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Happy 1st Birthday Baby Kiernan.

I know this is an age old question, but really, how did a whole year go by so fast? I remember being so huge, so hot, and so tired around this time last year. Sitting in the backyard, watching Seamus run around in the sprinkler, wondering when I could legitimately suggest we go back to Sal's snowball stand for the second time that day without Harry thinking I was ridiculous. I remember being so nervous the night before we went in to the hospital, not being able to sleep, not just because I had a wildly moving 8 pounds 6 ounce baby inside of me, but also because I wondered how my heart could have the capacity to love anyone as much as I already loved Seamus. How could I attempt to be a good mom to 2 little people? How would the surgery go? Was it a girl or a boy? Would the baby be healthy?

10:25 am on August 5, 2007 all my fears were put aside and my heart was overwhelmed again, to the point of bursting, when they put that sweet blond-haired baby boy in my arms. I shed a few tears when I put him to bed last night, thinking of how much he has changed. He loves his big brother and has certainly turned into a pretty boy with his big blue eyes. He eats slower than anyone I know, he loves his Momma and is always sucking his thumb. He loves riding in the wagon, dancing and puppies. He has changed our lives and our house only for the better. One year later, and we have survived our two little guys being born 19 months apart. And each day only gets better, and more fun.

I have loved the song "Seasons of Love" from the minute I heard it 4 + years ago when Harry and I went and saw Rent at the Saenger Theater. That is where the title to this post came from. I wanted to remember all the words this morning as I was writing, so I did what anyone does when you want to know something random. I googled it.

"How do you measure a year?

In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In cups of coffee?

In inches? In miles? In laughter? In strife?

How about love? Measure in love.

Seasons of love. "

Is that what this past year has been? Seasons of Love? It felt a little more like the season of no sleep and adjusting to caring for a 19 month old and a newborn, season of breastfeeding, season of back to work after maternity leave, season of chores, moving into the season of stress, greeted then by the season of paying bills, and the gusts of wind that have brought about a season of getting rid of bottles, switching to solid foods, and potty training for Seamus...

I am one of the millions of guilt-ridden working moms who squeezes every moment of "love and bonding" in whenever I am not at work. One of those moms who pushes herself to the brink of sanity on a daily basis, baking cupcakes at 10 pm, writing thank you notes on her lunch break, buying birthday gifts in between a deposition and a pediatrician appointment. The mom who schedules, calendars and organizes everything around one goal: not doing anything after work and on the weekends that doesn't involve playing with my kids. The mom who "offers it up", plugs in her Ipod and heads to Super Walmart hell on Thursday nights after they are in bed to grocery shop so I don't have to miss anything on the weekends with them.

One of those moms who wept uncontrollably last week when I realized my baby was one year old.

Did I miss it? Was I working too hard? Was I making lunches for the next day and preparing for a court hearing and suddenly he started crawling? Was I billing my 7.5 hours one day when he started pulling up on furniture and saying da-da? Ahh... I could do that to myself, but I won't. I could beat myself up, and bemoan the fact that I do have to work right now while my little boys play and nap and giggle at Ms. Betty's house. But I won't. I rejoice that they are healthy and happy. I get up each morning and tell myself that I am doing the best I can with the situation my life presents to me right now.

I am measuring all my time, and theirs, in hugs and kisses, love, laughter, and many, many cups of coffee.

Teething + Tantrums = Weary Parents

Kiernan still has only one tooth on the bottom. And from the way he has been acting, I can only surmise that he is about to have about 6 come in at the same time. You can see the lone snaggle tooth in the picture below if you look closely.

Seamus is potty-training, and for that we are thankful. He truly is an agreeable little guy for the most part, and throws few tantrums. It just so happens that the tantrums always seem to come at the end of the day, during dinner, while the teether is also fussing.

Thankfully dinnertime also has moments like this...

Sweet Action

Six years ago we got married. A truly amazing weekend that still brings a smile to my face whenever I think about. Surrounded by all of our closest friends and family, married by our two uncles, Fr. John and Fr. Paul, the New Orleans wedding I had always dreamed of...

Over the weekend I reflected a good deal on how much has happened in 6 years. The larger than life events like the buying and selling of 2 houses, several job changes and a MBA for Harry, my dad's leukemia diagnosis, Harry's dad's sickness and retirement, our trip to Rome, the loss of my grandmother, KATRINA, the fantastic and life-altering arrivals of Seamus and Kiernan, just to name a few. And we have the daily "ins and outs" of our relationship and during those days we have weathered many extremes-- an ebbing and flowing journey through times of upheaval, peace, unrest, contentment, acceptance, forgiveness, healing, pain, ecstasy, loss, celebration, achievement, failure, faith, and joy.

After being friends for so long, it was the following email on July 12, 2000 that moved my heart like nothing had ever before:

"The only thing that I can say is that you make me the person that I always want to be. I have heard people say that within relationships each person has to be happy even without their significant other. I think that it is the idea that you have to love yourself before you can love another. I don't think that is true. In fact the thought just struck me that it is kind of selfish. I believe that the person that you want to be with has to cause such joy and happiness that the very thought of that person not being around destroys the heart.The point I am trying to make without sounding like a complete fool is that I love you. When you told me that you think that you are falling for me I just wanted to hold you against me forever. I never want to be apart from you. That is another reason why it is you. You love so openly that I believe that you can never hurt me. I love you."

I knew at that moment, reading that email, that God was telling me to take Harry's heart and protect it, treasure it, love him for the rest of my life.

Marriage is something you cannot prepare for, no matter what anyone tells you. It is the biggest leap of faith I can think of. I closed my eyes, held Harry's hand and jumped on July 6, 2002. At the time we were "in love" and "best friends". Now I know what those two phrases really mean.

I have ended up with a man who is an amazing husband and a devoted and loving father. He still makes my knees weak when he kisses me and causes me to laugh at him constantly even when I don't want to. He is the funniest person I know. He is well-read, well-spoken, highly intelligent (don't tell anyone) and very respectful. He works hard, plays hard and supports me in everything I do. He listens to me almost always (God bless him!) and I want nothing more in life than to have my two precious little boys grow up to be just like him.

Happy Anniversary to the "Sweet Action" in my life. I love you more today than ever before and look forward to many more years of anniversaries and adventures.

Vacation vs. Trip/Adventure

Right before we left for Destin last weekend, I read a very timely article written by a mother of several kids. The article was directed at parents heading off for any sort of summer "vacation". The article was very funny, and did a fantastic job of breaking down the difference between a vacation and a trip/adventure. A vacation means sleeping late and lounging by the pool with little umbrellas in your drink and reading a book uninterrupted. A trip/adventure means lugging diapers, noonies, kids, toys and other sundry items from one place to another and mom and dad still do everything they normally do at home, just in different and usually less child-friendly surroundings.

It was a great perspective, as it brought home the point that you are taking these trips to make memories for your children. Once you go into it with that attitude, you can smile a little more when you are changing a squirming baby's dirty diaper on the beach, or keeping a toddler from drowning in the pool, or chasing a toddler around the Gulfarium, but unable to catch him in time to stop him from throwing a quarter into the Sea Lion exhibit.

With all that being said, our "adventure week" in Destin was fantastic, and a wonderful break from work, chores, schedules and general regular life.

summer fun

We went to the beach a couple weeks ago with Amanda, Caroline, Michael and Colin. Sort of a celebration of my 32nd birthday, although I am feeling less and less like celebrating the "blink of an eye" passage of time in my life. Here are a couple of pictures. More beach frivolity to come as we will be in Destin with my family for a whole long relaxing week shortly. Counting down till the days are filled with this...

Jefferson Parish--where the living is easy.

We spent the weekend, for the most part, in the backyard with our new plastic frog pool from Target. Hours and hours of splish splashing fun for the low, low price of $14.99. The pictures above that Harry took are really good, and do a much better job of depicting the tremendous enjoyment Seamus and Kiernan got out of the water, the sprinkler and splashing each other. Kiernan has no fear and heads straight into the sprinkler, and will also dive face-first into the pool or the bath tub without a second thought. Based on this past weekend's water sports, I have a feeling the summer will be a lot of fun.

Blessed Life

Kiernan has gone from trying to crawl to full steam ahead. He moves at lightning speed, and if that wasn't enough change in one week, he now is also trying to pull himself up to a standing position on everything and everyone he can grab hold of. He and Seamus are also communicating in their own high pitched language that is dappled with belly laughs and tiger growls. Truly a joy to watch!

Although I once wondered about the sanity of having children less than 2 or 3 years apart, I am now a convert to the "church of closely spaced kids". Our boys are learning how to share quickly, love deeply and hopefully will always be the other's best friend.

I am humbled by my blessed life when I see Seamus kiss Kiernan good night and when I see Kiernan clap his chubby little hands when Seamus walks into the room. My hope and prayer is that they always love each other (and us) as much as they do right now.

9 Months Old Today

You are 9 months old today, sweet Kiernan, and I find myself wondering how time could possibly go that fast. It seems like you went from a newborn to now saying Ma-Ma and Da-Da and on the brink of speed crawling any minute, all in the blink of an eye. You still have no teeth, and we do sometime call you "little paw-paw", but you are so beautiful. My heart melts every time I see your big blue eyes, fair skin and rosy cheeks. You are so even-tempered, patient and happy--truly a little angel. You have brought such joy to us in the past 9 months-- our little Booper. I thank God every day for sending you into our lives. Happy 9th Month!

I love a little boy when he...

wakes up too early so I put him in bed with us. He immediately rolls towards me, chubby little thumb in his mouth, grabs hold of my shirt in his other hand, snuggles close and falls peacefully and blissfully back asleep. I, on the other hand, stay awake, breathing in his sweet innocence and kissing his beautiful face.

I love a little boy when I pick him up at 5 pm and he yells "It's my MOMMY", immediately followed by "I want fruit snacks". Then he grabs either side of my face with his sticky, grubby little fingers and kisses me. I can't help but squeeze him back with all my might, breathing in the smell of baby soap, sweat and whatever he had for snack that day, and thanking God under my breath for blessing me with the ultimate joy of being that little boy's mother.

I love a little boy when he bounces up and down with glee, kicks his legs furiously and smiles from ear to ear whenever I walk in a room, regardless of whether I have been gone 10 seconds or 9 hours.

I love a little boy when he gives me "hugs, kisses and noses" and replies "I love joo too".

I love both little boys because they love me back, so openly and so unconditionally.

love you, miss you

My 10 year college reunion is this weekend. As much as I love and will miss these 2 guys...
it will be so liberating to spend all weekend in Mobile with nothing to do but visit with Harry and catch up with my friends that I haven't seen in a very long time. I think it will do my soul good to go back and reminisce, maybe rejuvenate a little part of my fun-loving self that has gone by the way-side due to work, mommyhood and day to day stress. Here's to recapturing your youth for 48 hours!

St. Pat's, Crawfish and boys in cute outifts

The weather has been phenomenal the past few weeks and we have been enjoying every minute. The spring has become a time of anticipated joy and fun we count on as we know that we have Harry in a kilt, crawfish in the backyard and longer days to play outside. Easter was again a great time filled with family, food and love. Seamus loves chocolate and hunting Easter eggs, nuch to the joy of my mom and my grandma. So much to be thankful for. Harry and I are more blessed than we can even comprehend.

Seamus talks non-stop and runs 100 mph from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning till he passes out each night. Kiernan is eating all sorts of new foods, has been introduced to Gerber's great invention, fruit puffs, and is desperately trying to cut some teeth. I love seeing them both dressed in such adorable "boy fancy" clothes. Have to take what I can get since there are no dresses or hair bows in this house!

I will let the photos speak for the rest of this entry.

New Year's Resolution

I started this blog a little less than a year ago, with great intentions. Yet the last entry is Easter of 2007. I will try again. I am resolute to do several things this year-- read more fiction, hear more music, take more time for myself, weed out all the items and worries in my closets and my head that add nothing to my life.

I am currently insprired by this recent Anna Quindlen quote I came across: "Treasure the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

Kiernan Stevens Hardin will be 6 months old on February 5th, Mardi Gras day. We will be hard at work this weekend on his "Baby's First Gras" sign, just like the one we made for Seamus. Hard to believe he has been in our lives 1/2 a year already. He is the sweetest, most easy-going little guy in the world, and is deeply loved by his big brother, Seamus, who just turned 2. They are my inspiration and reason for getting up every day. Harry seems happy with his new job, and I am in a groove at work. All is well and peaceful for the Hardins in NOLA these days.

Here's to attempting to keep resolutions, both the lofty ambitious ones and the small daily accomplishments that keep your head above water...