Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Happy 1st Birthday Baby Kiernan.

I know this is an age old question, but really, how did a whole year go by so fast? I remember being so huge, so hot, and so tired around this time last year. Sitting in the backyard, watching Seamus run around in the sprinkler, wondering when I could legitimately suggest we go back to Sal's snowball stand for the second time that day without Harry thinking I was ridiculous. I remember being so nervous the night before we went in to the hospital, not being able to sleep, not just because I had a wildly moving 8 pounds 6 ounce baby inside of me, but also because I wondered how my heart could have the capacity to love anyone as much as I already loved Seamus. How could I attempt to be a good mom to 2 little people? How would the surgery go? Was it a girl or a boy? Would the baby be healthy?

10:25 am on August 5, 2007 all my fears were put aside and my heart was overwhelmed again, to the point of bursting, when they put that sweet blond-haired baby boy in my arms. I shed a few tears when I put him to bed last night, thinking of how much he has changed. He loves his big brother and has certainly turned into a pretty boy with his big blue eyes. He eats slower than anyone I know, he loves his Momma and is always sucking his thumb. He loves riding in the wagon, dancing and puppies. He has changed our lives and our house only for the better. One year later, and we have survived our two little guys being born 19 months apart. And each day only gets better, and more fun.

I have loved the song "Seasons of Love" from the minute I heard it 4 + years ago when Harry and I went and saw Rent at the Saenger Theater. That is where the title to this post came from. I wanted to remember all the words this morning as I was writing, so I did what anyone does when you want to know something random. I googled it.

"How do you measure a year?

In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In cups of coffee?

In inches? In miles? In laughter? In strife?

How about love? Measure in love.

Seasons of love. "

Is that what this past year has been? Seasons of Love? It felt a little more like the season of no sleep and adjusting to caring for a 19 month old and a newborn, season of breastfeeding, season of back to work after maternity leave, season of chores, moving into the season of stress, greeted then by the season of paying bills, and the gusts of wind that have brought about a season of getting rid of bottles, switching to solid foods, and potty training for Seamus...

I am one of the millions of guilt-ridden working moms who squeezes every moment of "love and bonding" in whenever I am not at work. One of those moms who pushes herself to the brink of sanity on a daily basis, baking cupcakes at 10 pm, writing thank you notes on her lunch break, buying birthday gifts in between a deposition and a pediatrician appointment. The mom who schedules, calendars and organizes everything around one goal: not doing anything after work and on the weekends that doesn't involve playing with my kids. The mom who "offers it up", plugs in her Ipod and heads to Super Walmart hell on Thursday nights after they are in bed to grocery shop so I don't have to miss anything on the weekends with them.

One of those moms who wept uncontrollably last week when I realized my baby was one year old.

Did I miss it? Was I working too hard? Was I making lunches for the next day and preparing for a court hearing and suddenly he started crawling? Was I billing my 7.5 hours one day when he started pulling up on furniture and saying da-da? Ahh... I could do that to myself, but I won't. I could beat myself up, and bemoan the fact that I do have to work right now while my little boys play and nap and giggle at Ms. Betty's house. But I won't. I rejoice that they are healthy and happy. I get up each morning and tell myself that I am doing the best I can with the situation my life presents to me right now.

I am measuring all my time, and theirs, in hugs and kisses, love, laughter, and many, many cups of coffee.

Teething + Tantrums = Weary Parents

Kiernan still has only one tooth on the bottom. And from the way he has been acting, I can only surmise that he is about to have about 6 come in at the same time. You can see the lone snaggle tooth in the picture below if you look closely.

Seamus is potty-training, and for that we are thankful. He truly is an agreeable little guy for the most part, and throws few tantrums. It just so happens that the tantrums always seem to come at the end of the day, during dinner, while the teether is also fussing.

Thankfully dinnertime also has moments like this...

Sweet Action

Six years ago we got married. A truly amazing weekend that still brings a smile to my face whenever I think about. Surrounded by all of our closest friends and family, married by our two uncles, Fr. John and Fr. Paul, the New Orleans wedding I had always dreamed of...

Over the weekend I reflected a good deal on how much has happened in 6 years. The larger than life events like the buying and selling of 2 houses, several job changes and a MBA for Harry, my dad's leukemia diagnosis, Harry's dad's sickness and retirement, our trip to Rome, the loss of my grandmother, KATRINA, the fantastic and life-altering arrivals of Seamus and Kiernan, just to name a few. And we have the daily "ins and outs" of our relationship and during those days we have weathered many extremes-- an ebbing and flowing journey through times of upheaval, peace, unrest, contentment, acceptance, forgiveness, healing, pain, ecstasy, loss, celebration, achievement, failure, faith, and joy.

After being friends for so long, it was the following email on July 12, 2000 that moved my heart like nothing had ever before:

"The only thing that I can say is that you make me the person that I always want to be. I have heard people say that within relationships each person has to be happy even without their significant other. I think that it is the idea that you have to love yourself before you can love another. I don't think that is true. In fact the thought just struck me that it is kind of selfish. I believe that the person that you want to be with has to cause such joy and happiness that the very thought of that person not being around destroys the heart.The point I am trying to make without sounding like a complete fool is that I love you. When you told me that you think that you are falling for me I just wanted to hold you against me forever. I never want to be apart from you. That is another reason why it is you. You love so openly that I believe that you can never hurt me. I love you."

I knew at that moment, reading that email, that God was telling me to take Harry's heart and protect it, treasure it, love him for the rest of my life.

Marriage is something you cannot prepare for, no matter what anyone tells you. It is the biggest leap of faith I can think of. I closed my eyes, held Harry's hand and jumped on July 6, 2002. At the time we were "in love" and "best friends". Now I know what those two phrases really mean.

I have ended up with a man who is an amazing husband and a devoted and loving father. He still makes my knees weak when he kisses me and causes me to laugh at him constantly even when I don't want to. He is the funniest person I know. He is well-read, well-spoken, highly intelligent (don't tell anyone) and very respectful. He works hard, plays hard and supports me in everything I do. He listens to me almost always (God bless him!) and I want nothing more in life than to have my two precious little boys grow up to be just like him.

Happy Anniversary to the "Sweet Action" in my life. I love you more today than ever before and look forward to many more years of anniversaries and adventures.